It kinda hit me yesterday.
I honestly don't think I'll find someone I'll want to marry while still in college. It seems that most of these guys here are just not on my level. Not that I'm too smart or too good, but really, I can't find anyone who is on the same plane, to say it better.
I'm kidding myself if I think I can find someone meaningful now.

but that doesn't mean that I can't have fun in the meantime :)

The first THREE stars I see, may not be stars. We can't do a thing but wait, so lets wait for ONE more...?


Sometimes its really funny/crazy/hard to realize that your life may never go as you may even try to imagine it.

I dumped Chris.

( and this is why. )

So stressed.
7 page midterm due tomorrow at 3pm.
5 page midterm due Monday.
Senior Seminar Research paper final project (25 pages) due November 16th, and my final project presentation the 17th.
I still need to meet with my adviser to make sure that I will graduate early.
I need to get an adviser for Women's Studies so that I can get my specialization.
I need to figure out what internship I will do this summer (or next fall).
I need to catch up on my senior seminar's academic journal.
I still have a final research project for my other class (MC 386).
I have another final paper (or something?) for MC 390.

I need to not fall apart.

Besides all my stress, I absolutely love Douglas J, and working for Aveda. Aveda is the coolest company I know. They are so environmentally conscious. They manufacture with 100% wind power. Their plastic bottles for their products are at least 80% Post Consumer Recycled plastic. All of their sources are sustainable, if it can't be sustainable, they don't use it. And most importantly, (at least to me), they make sure that their sources are from fair-trade indigenous villages across the world and work hard for cultural sustainability too, and work to fund schools and clean water in the various villages. I want to work for Aveda. I want to make sure that cultures are sustained. I love it.

One of the internships I want is in Blaine, MN at the Aveda headquarters working on their sourcing database, which will collect information about the various villages. I really hope I can make it happen.

peace.

I have to drop a class to keep my sanity. Good thing I finalized my decision on the very last day to decide to drop a class and get a full refund.

Life is hectic, but good. I am much less stressed now that I paired down my classes. Now only 13 credits (instead of 16) and I'm down to two jobs (well more like 1.5, instead of 3).

I desperately want to go home and see my family. I love them, they make me happy, I need another dose of mommy and daddy love.

Chris and I are doing pretty awesome. It seems like every day is a learning experience, we are learning how to work together better and better. I love him so much, he's my best friend. Saturday was his birthday, he turned 20! Haha! I'm 20 and a half. I love being older than him for no particular reason besides the fact that he is so much bigger than me and he looks like he's 24.

I got a new lj layout that is super pretty and that's basically the reason why I'm posting, cuz i wanted something new to throw on there.

I think I'm going to go home next Saturday to see my bro go to his first homecoming with his girlfriend! AWW! I don't think I have work.

P.S. I got my hair highlighted blonde and burgundy red (I know, what??) and at first I hated it, but it's growing on me. And it was free, and I can get it done again for free, so I really don't have to worry too much about it.

I never get around to posting. It saddens me. I like to keep track of my life in some way shape or form to look back on.

I live in Lansing now. Its cool. I have my own room and we have a big apartment and I feel even more grown up now.

I got a new job at the Douglas J Aveda Institute in East Lansing where I will be a Guest Service Specialist, where I check people in to their appointments and get them something to drink while they wait and I can give out hand massages and just be really friendly and pretty. I'll get free services! Like haircuts and highlights and massages and facials and everything! Ahh!!! Excited. Plus they'll pay me more than old navy. I'm not completely leaving ON, I'm just severely cutting down on my availability there.

I'm super excited about my new icon. Me and Christopher.
We went up north for our end of summer vacation and had SO MUCH FUN! His parents own a condo on the side of a ski slope and in the summer time there are a bunch of golf courses there and its so beautiful! Its in Belaire, MI. We drank beers and played in a really cold creek and played catch and I got stung by a bee and watched the stars with a bonfire on top of a ski slope in the summer time. Absolutely beautiful. Breathtaking.
The picture in my icon was taken at the breakfast on our last day.

My classes are stressing me out because they're all rather intense. I'm taking my senior seminar right now and its definitely very intense with the amount of readings and the level of work and responses necessary. But I do love the fact that all of my classes deal with either Culture, or Women, or both! So I'm very passionate about them.

I also have a small babysitting gig where I am helping out in a daycare out of a woman's house. She is the daughter-in-law of one of my co-workers, and she just had a baby girl via c-section and doesn't quite have the strength right now to lift the kids, so she just needs a helper for a few hours. So fun. No big deal.

Okay well I'm going to be responsible and clean my room. Then get up early tomorrow, find some sort of exercise to do, and do my homework!

this summer is almost entirely over
i'm done all my summer classes. they were phenomenal. great professors.

i'm moving to lansing tomorrow with mattie and emily. SO EXCITED. I get my own room. I won't have any roommates that I don't know or don't love. Haha.

It would have been cooler if I updated more this summer; i always love to look back and remember things. but i guess i was so busy that i never had time to sit down and reflect.

okay well on to crazy packing frenzy!!! :) :)

This show, and this girl, have seriously made me so happy this summer. So inspired.
I just wanted to document it so that I can look back on it in a few years and get all happy again.

:)

( So You Think You Can Dance Season 5! )

I've been meaning to make this list for a few days.

Grown-Up things I've done this Summer:
Moved out of my dorm without parents
Moved into an apartment
Took my van to the dealership
Bought my own dresser
Visited my sister and her husband for dinner


hmmm i thought the list was longer. and those things probably don't seem very "grown-up" but to me they were kind of eye-opening that I am becoming more independent of my parents, or at least my world is becoming more "adult" than before.


Some highlights from the last few weeks:
+My baby lappy came in super early! it's green and adorable but it runs kind of slow so I can't really do lj on there very well.
+Chris and I went to his cousin's wedding! So pretty and fun and I had a good time talking to his mother about the family and weddings and stuff and Chris and I actually got to talking about our possible wedding, which was weird but funny. No way that would happen anytime soon.
+I went to visit Chris this weekend and I got to hang out with him and his friends at various pool parties and they're funny and fun and I had a really good time.
+I found out that I get to move to my next apartment on August 21! It's across town in Lansing and It's bigger and I get my own room! BONUS!
-My mini-van's check-engine light has been on, I took it to the dealership for an oil change and for them to check it out. Apparently something's wrong with the fuel efficiency and it will be very expensive to fix. But my parents are going to cover it.


P.S. GIVE ME YOUR EMAIL ADDRESSES AND I'LL MAIL YOU A 30% OFF COUPON FOR OLD NAVY, GAP, AND BANANA REPUBLIC!!!

I'm so excited! I just bought a dell netbook! It has a 10 inch screen, it's Jade Green and it has a Solid State hard drive and it was under $350!!! It's got a built in camera, it'll be perfect to carry to class, and it'll be fast, too! AHH YAYY!!!

But now I have to spend absolutely zero money on anything but food and gas for the next month or so so that I can work to pay it off. But I think it is SO worth the investment. My regular laptop is wayyyy to bulky to carry around to different classes, the wireless on this one crapped out about two months ago, and we don't know how to fix it, and I also HATE printing out my readings for class because not only does it waste paper and ink and it gets expensive, but sometimes we hardly use the readings in class after all. I'll be keeping my big laptop so that I can write papers and keep my music on here, and use this most of the time, but it's getting old. (I wish technology didn't age so fast.)

( Other purchases I would love to make for the following school year. )

The wedding was so beautiful and the reception was so much fun!
i really didn't think I was going to cry, but right when the music started to play and I was walking down the aisle, I started tearing up and I could hardly keep a smile for the photographers! it was just so beautiful and amazing!
and then when Kate walked down with my parents, with the veil on her, and my dad lifted the blusher and gave her a kiss! oh my gosh. so beautiful.

I had so much fun. Whenever I think about Kate and Tim together I get sooo happy! They are so blessed! God has blessed them so much and then they were so blessed by all the gifts from friends and family, even during these hard times.

It was such a great party with all my family, and Chris had so much fun with everyone and he got along with my cousins so well! Too well in fact! They snuck out of the reception and found the way to the balcony above us and then they started dancing and making a fool of themselves. Oh jeez.

I'm so excited to get the professional pictures back from the photographer. he was a really cool guy and actually goes to my school, and i could tell he was really great at getting candid and natural shots. but anyways in the meantime i will post some of my pictures from the wedding!!!

( unprofessional wedding photos!!! )

Ten Happies.

1. My sister is getting married in 8 days!
2. I got my 1 year pin at Old Navy! And a raise!
3. I got an A on my Environmental Science Midterm.
4. I'm getting better at grocery shopping and not spending so much money.
5. Chris and friends came to visit me last night and it was so fun!
6. Riding 2 miles to class on my bike twice a week.
7. Seeing all my family in a week for the wedding!!!!!
8. Brandi and I spending so much more time together.
9. Kate's Bachelorette party on Wednesday night!
10. Having a blast so far this summer.

I am so in love with Chris.
I love him I love him I love him I love him.
He came back from Japan last week, and came up here Saturday night. He gave me my present. It's a maroon umbrella. But when it rains, the water collects in droplets in the shape of flowers. SO AWESOME! I can't wait for it to rain. I thought it was going to rain the other day but it didn't pull through. Oh well.
Chris and I went out for sushi, and he bought the really expensive kind that they usually have in Japan and I was grossed out. I know that sushi is raw fish, but when it's rolled up you get lots of flavors mixed in. But in Japan they don't usually roll it, they just plop a piece of fish on rice, and well it's harder for me to find that appetizing. But it was pretty good if I didn't think about it too much. Haha. But I think I'll stick with Americanized sushi.
He showed me lots of pictures from his trip. Japan seems like such a cool place!
I am so glad to have him back in the states. He is my absolute best friend and I missed him so much!

So I bought the Sims 3 and I tried to play it yesterday, and well I'm pretty bummed with it. I'm not really impressed. I feel that it's harder to use because the controls are different, and I'm used to more control over the game. Plus, from what I can tell (maybe I just can't find the button, but then again it goes along with harder controls) I can't figure out how to play as different households in the same neighborhood. It's like once you're in a neighborhood you're stuck as playing as those people the whole time. SUPER LAME! I hate it. I like making neighborhoods full of people I know and people I made up, but instead I'm stuck. Effing ay. I hope it's not really that way and I'm just doing it wrong, but if it's not it was SUCH a waste of 50 bucks.
/rant about sims3.

My sister is getting married in like 17 days or something crazy like that! I'm so excited! This wedding is going to make like the next 3 years of my life. I'm so excited to see all my family, I'm so excited to get all dressed up, I'm so excited for Kate and Tim, I'm so excited for the huge party!!!! YAY!

This summer has been so different so far! Oh my gosh!

( Look! This is my room in my very own apartment )

I share the room with Brandi, but she didn't make her bed well enough for me to take a picture. :P JK! Haha I love her. No worries.

Groceries are so expensive. So is gas.
I have classes two days a week so I try and ride my bike to and from class, which is about 2.1 miles, and which I can do in 15 minutes. I'm taking a class on environmentalism and so not only am I saving money but I'm reducing my ecological footprint!

I'm working so much at Old Navy and I love it! Except for today because it was $1 flip flop day and it was pure insanity. Wow. I almost witnessed some customers getting into a fight because one woman cut in line in front of the other after she had stepped out of line to get her daughter... wow. All over flip flops for $1? They're 2 for $5 otherwise! Not that much of a difference. Oh well. Haha. I had fun bagging and at one point I was the greeter and I hid among the supermodelquinns and I would scare the customers whenever I said hello! Hhahah that was fun.
We sold 2,400 pairs of flip flops in 2 hours. Ridiculous. Then we got another shipment in the middle of the day and that was about another 500 pairs? Those were gone in 3 hours. Craziness.

I miss Chris. He's in Japan right now on study abroad. He is my best friend and life's a little boring without him cracking jokes and being silly with me.

My roommate Kristy is watching Pride and Prejudice in the other room and I think it's funny that I can tell what it is from the music alone. I've seen it so many times! I love Keira Knightley.

I should do the dishes and take out the trash but it's almost 1 in the morning and I'd much rather just read and go to sleep. I have to work tomorrow afternoon so I can sleep in a bit. :) Its weird how I don't like to sleep past 9:30 anymore. Ew that's a little too grown up for me.

I'm done with finals. It's awesome.
I start summer classes on May 18th. In the meantime I'm at home hanging out with the family, and then I'm moving back up to East Lansing to sub-lease an apartment with Brandi.
I'm taking ISB 202, Applications of Biology and HST 201, Historical Methods. They're requirements and stuff that I'd like to get out of the way.

I'm excited to be staying up at school for the summer because I love this Old Navy so much more than the one in Canton, and I can also stay fully active at the Listening Ear through the summer, and maybe even take a leadership position there.

I'm super pumped for my sister's wedding but I am stressing out about who I'm going to take as my date. I don't have to take a date. But ugh. I dunno. Probably when I get closer I won't care anymore because I'll have so much family love and hang out with that I'll be too excited to care.

Today was Kate and Tim's Wedding Shower. It was fun hanging out with everybody. And then tonight was my brother Michael's confirmation, which was cool too, and after mass we all went out to dinner. I love my family! So much! So fun and supportive and loving. I am so blessed. So blessed.

This weather makes me gloriously happy.
I feel like my life has gotten so complicated all of a sudden. But its good since because I can recognize the complications I can work toward a solution. Its also hard seeing things in a new perspective than before, so it's like my whole world has turned upside down. But this isn't the first time it's happened. I'm getting pretty good at re-orienting myself whenever it happens.

To be honest, I need to go to sleep because I have to work tomorrow at 9:30 which means getting up by 8am. Oh and I'm working till 5:30 pm EW! And the weather is supposed to be beautiful tomorrow but I'll be inside all day. But I don't want to let that get me down. I just have to make sure I dress cute! That usually helps.

SO BUSY! But I got an extension on one paper and I got an awesome due date for a presentation that I was afraid that I was going to have to do it next week, but instead its the week after.

I am so utterly confused about Chris. It's not fair how often my feelings flip flop about stuff. I wish they'd stay stable while I finish of the end of the school year! I don't want the extra stress of trying to figure things out. I don't want to have to worry about those things.

My goal, as backwards as it may sound, to get through the end of the school year is to get LESS sleep. I think I get too much sleep. I'm always well rested. And that's a good thing in its own right, but really I'd be so much more productive if I didn't put so much effort into getting a full 8 hours of sleep each night. I'm shooting now for around 6. 7 is good too. How much sleep do ya'll usually get?

So my dorm has been infected with the Norovirus or Gastroenteritis or whatever its called and they had to shut down our cafeteria since Wednesday. Its SUCH a hassle to have to plan my day around where I can be when I'm hungry. Like I can't make time to do laundry because I can't do everything in one place now. Man. Amanda, I remember you talking about how Hope got overcome with it and they had to shut down the college. So far its just got a few dorms, but it appears as though it may be getting worse because at the surrounding cafeterias they've had to make sure all the employees serve us? Like we're not allowed to touch our food before we eat it or else we'll contaminate people. Ooops. I hope I don't get sick.

Also, MSU is in the Final Four!!! Yay!! I hope we win tonight. I have to work during the game. I also hope there aren't any riots. That's not cool.

I feel so busy all the time. I also feel guilty if I slack off and relax. Like I said before, I would absolutely love to get through this semester in one piece. And I believe I can do it. I can't believe there's less than a month left. I need to get that through my head. That's how much time I have to finish everything.

Things are rather complicated with Chris and I right now. But a good complicated in the sense that things are dynamic and we're figuring things out.

I have a lot to do by the end of the semester, but if I get it all done I will be very accomplished.

I'm living here in East Lansing this summer so that I can take some classes and continue working at this Old Navy store and continue to volunteer at the Listening Ear. I'm excited to stay involved in everything.
But it'll be very different finally living out of a residence hall and having to shop for my own groceries and such.

I actually got on here because I wanted to share a few things with you guys.
I love Keira Knightley and that she took up this issue of domestic violence. Watch this short clip. I really admire her for doing this.

Also, my sister posted this poem on her lj, and I think its really important to think about how society imposes gender roles on people, and how hard it is to fight against them. For both men and women. ( Gender Subversion. )

I wish I knew who the author was. Oh well. There's a lot to think about.

I FINALLY got a membership to the gym thats in the basement of my dorm. And it only cost me 15 bucks! I had to chase down this guy and make sure he was in his office so that I could sign a stupid piece of paper and get a sticker for my ID.
But I'm so excited now because I'll have no excuse not to work out. And I always get bummed if I plan to work out but it never happens because of logistics and stuff.
And tonight I'm going to the big gym with Kristie!
And after that I'm going to go listen to Ariel Levy talk about her book "Female Chauvinist Pigs: Women in Raunch Culture" It'll be so interesting!!!

And Then OH CRAP I HAVE TO WRITE A PAPER! COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT THAT. Well I'm going to work on that now. OOPS! Its due tomorrow. LAME!!!!!